A year or so ago, I gave a friend my stash of XXXL blue oxford shirts. I visited him tonight and he was wearing one. They aged well and look good on him. I hope they never look good on me again. Midway through the conversation, I started talking about success with a ketogenic diet and he seemed interesting. We talked about food substitutions and how to get nutrients as well as some pitfalls. ONe wouldn’t expect it but cocktail sauce has some three times the net carbs as ranch dressing. We talked about what it’s like to be a large person and he railed at people who are annoyed when sharing public transit. He made the observation that “when I sit next to someone, we’re both crowded” and I don’t think most people recognize this reciprocity. It seems neither wholly wrong nor wholly right to blame the larger party but there’s no convenient way to communicate that middle ground.  Between genes, choices, and engineering, how does one say “I’m 60% responsible for this discomfort.”?

I hope he gives low carb a try and that it works. If so, the baby blue oxfords that served me so well and then him will pass on again and maybe serve someone else. I picture wrapping them up with a few typed pages on dieting.  They would make their way across the country making large men look a little bit nicer on their way to becoming a little bit thinner.

A year or so ago, I gave a friend my stash of XXXL blue oxford shirts. I visited him tonight and he was wearing one. They aged well and look good on him. I hope they never look good on me again. Midway through the conversation, I started talking about success with a ketogenic diet and he seemed interesting. We talked about food substitutions and how to get nutrients as well as some pitfalls like me learning how sugary cocktail sauce is. We talked about what it’s like to be a large person and he railed at people who are annoyed when sharing public transit with him. He made the observation that “when I sit next to someone, we’re both crowded” and I don’t think most people recognize this reciprocity. It seems neither wholly wrong nor wholly right to blame the larger party but there’s no convenient way to communicate that middle ground.

I hope he gives low carb a try and that it works. If so, the baby blue oxfords that served me so well and then him will pass on again and maybe serve someone else. I picture wrapping them up with a few typed pages on keto and they making their way across the country making large men look a little bit nicer on their way to becoming thinner people.

My new shirts arrived today and they had a pulpy maiden voyage in the washing machine as I didn’t know they had cardboard braces under the the neck collar.  I was next saddened to see that the shirts were not wrinkle resistant and did a magic trick where they transformed in what looked like rhino-skinned rugs upon contact with water.  Finally, I found that I purchased the wrong size and all the sleeves were an inch shorter than I wanted.  Should anyone need me to do a disheveled white collar Bruce Banner impression I could do it once for each day of the week.

I’ve gone from being a very dumpy 22″ neck to a more fitting than snug 20″.  Should I make it to a 18″ neck, the world will be my oyster, but until then, I’ll accept the garb of the cross-over brands that mark JC Penny’s Big and Tall section or alternatively the small mens section at the Casual Male Big & Tall having Amazon-sampled a selection of shirts from each to find my new stock blue pocketed oxford.  The first change I’m making is opting for a long-sleeve shirt as after asking a cross-section of people with greater fashion acumen than myself, each agreed that the rolled up sleeve was an acceptable style for daily wear which also provides for the unrolled up option when a bare forearm would be unacceptable.  The second change is the transformation of the breast pocket from man purse containing my phone, fitbit, 3 pens, and a notepad, to just a place for my phone as the breast pocket seems to digitally sized to either accommodate all of my items or just my phone.

While I can understand that the size of pant pockets change with the size of the pants as the user’s hands will be scaled appropriately, I don’t understand why breast pockets wouldn’t be standardized as they are on suit jackets.  I never rest my fist in my breast pocket, nor does it normally contain contents that’d scale with its wearer like socks or a pair of leather driving gloves.  With a set of rare-earth magnets and some stolen nametags, I think I could create a pocket extender that’d allow any shirt to have the size pocket I want.  To the USPTO.

Many moons ago, Teejay Green and I made a list of things that nag us as fat people. One of them was “cloths that fit that are purchasable in regular stores” or Fat Reason #28. To that I add an addendum of “be able to buy special print run shirts that only go up to vintage cut 2XL” for the following reason:

Hippopoticorns!

Hippopoticorns!

The 3 Hippopoticorn Moon shirt… until they all come home.

Kyle called me with a shirt recommendation and I’m seriously pondering it.  For Every Animal I’ll Eat Three was a slogan started by normal omnivores to help counterbalance the supposed moral crusade of vegetarians.  This is kind of the “scaled retribution” tactic so popular with Israel but applied to dietary considerations.  I do find it nice that it’s available in 4x for the larger man, but wish it were available in the much more thinning black.

Kyle called me with a shirt recommendation and I’m seriously pondering it.  For Every Animal I’ll Eat Three was a slogan started by normal omnivores to help counterbalance the supposed moral crusade of vegetarians.  This is kind of the “scaled retribution” tactic so popular with Israel but applied to dietary considerations.  I do find it nice that it’s available in 4x for the larger man, but wish it were available in the much more thinning black.