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I’m going to Chicago over Easter to help someone move but instead of my normal tactic of driving straight through, I will be leaving after work Wednesday and and will stop for the evening at a friend’s house along the way.  Clearing this with him required some negotation:

Me: Could I stay over with you Wednesday evening?
Him: Well, the only available bed is tiny.
Me: I’ve literally stayed in a single size pink princess bed before.
Him: This isn’t much better.  Also, you may have to contend with my parents going into “house guest mode”.
Me: What’s that entail?
Him: Two things, first the first floor and where you are staying will be spotless and you can’t leave until after you’ve had pancakes.

I don’t know how I’ll survive.

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I listened to the latest episode of Downloadable Content from Penny Arcade and heard the parties told tales of his father battery acid mishap and air-sawing.  I had heard rumors of air-sawing from my dad (one holds the piece of wood in one hand and a circular saw being either braced by nothing or with another body part) and thought such feats of daring limited to imagination or possibly inner Appalachia.

I should have known that of all the places where a father would exhibit such daring, a Pinewood Derby would be the place to see it.  One kid’s Pinewood Derby car came in over weight and seeing the race time approach the father took drastic measures to reduce weight.  Normally, one may file off a few things here or there or may be drill lightly, this man put the Pinewood Derby car in his palm, wrapped his hand around it, and with the 18.5 volt power drill and a 3/8ths bit started drilling into the car towards his palm.  This act was not taken lightly as shown by his tightened jaw and the bulging of previously non-existent arm muscles.  If the drill had slipped and he’d bored through his hand I’m confident his anger would be not at the fact that he’d given himself an impromptu case of stigmata but that the blood splatter would add to the weight of the car.

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I only heard the Admin side of the conversation but I think what’s excluded is obvious.

Answerer: Yes, he’ll be expected to sleep outside in either a tent or Adirondack.
The tents are canvas.
The Adirondacks are wood and have three walls.
The cots are canvas too.
The Adirondacks have wooden bunks.
Wood.
Yes, they’re supposed to have three walls, and also have roofs.
A towel would be a good idea for the pool.
I understand you don’t like being outdoors, your son will be fine.
Yes, it’s perfectly normal for him to enjoy being outside.
Honestly, I’ll be impressed if he showers twice.
The latrines can be scary at first but as soon as he sees someone else use them he’ll be fine.
No, you’re not asking too many questions.
I’ll be here to answer any questions for you.
*Hang-up* Well, there goes my lunch break.