Hazmat training combines things I enjoy like being on the clock while watching powerpoint presentations, a free lunch, and learning how I could die.  As the new guy, I got to be the one that did the sample suit up consisting of boot covers, Tyvek suit, inner gloves, outer gloves, googles, and face shield.  After the health and safety person took a picture of me suited up riding a slide projector like a pony I was told to change back.  I did quickly and when she looked back to where I was standing and saw me back in my normal cloths she did a double take.  “That was the quietest hazmat desuiting I’ve ever heard”.  Everyone else in the room started nodding in agreement and someone said “I didn’t even hear you walk around in the Tyvek suit”.  Maybe I’ve found my calling, hazmat ninja.

Barefoot running seems to be all the rage, so I figured I’d give it a try in my obese turbo-wobble kind of way.  The advantage of a treadmill is not having to deal with glass shards and such so I went off at a steady pace sans shoes.  The first thing one realizes is how much traditional walking beats the shit out of one’s heels. So, I tried walking with my toes first which made me look like a fat drunken ninja or a recently sodomized duck.  It’s tough, but you get the hang of it eventually and I only looked like someone who’d recently stepped off a horse while wearing swim fins.  With some practice, I imagine I could vastly improve my capacity for stealth walking given appropriate foot gear.

All in all, I covered my standard two miles and I can already feel the balls of my feet thickening.  If I keep this up for a month, I think I’ll be able to stop bullets.

Me: Where’s Dave been?
Dad: He’s been sick in bed for almost a week.
Me: Really?  Where?  I haven’t seen him.
Dad: He’s been here the whole time.  His reserve of soup and protein shake’s slowly been dropping.

Yet more evidence that our tenants aren’t normal power workers but shinobi in the employ of PSEG…

Our second tenant moved the rest of his personal items in, apparently.  The room was largely empty at around 10 PM when I saw two pinpoints of light part in front.  For about 30 seconds I heard muffled footsteps in the hallway outside my closed room door and a single “plop” of boxes being dropped.   Then, silently, the pinpoints left and all was quiet.  I peek into the room at about 11 PM and there were about 25 24″x24″x18″ boxes and an entire queen-sized bed-frame, matress and box spring.  I think we’re renting to either a Shinobi of the Silver Court or possibly David Copperfield.

My IH0051 instructor gave us a take home final that we had to email him.  I doubt he will read the whole thing so I’ve included the following in the section Compare the historical and theological Jesus. “Finally, Jesus is often portrayed as peaceful and while Yeshua of Nazereth was the father of modern ninjutsu and is called the shinobi of God by theologically minded ninjas especially during the pre-Tokugawa dynasties of feudal Japan who learned of the life of God’s Messiah of Massacre from Dutch merchants.  Just wanted to see if you were still reading.”