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I was introduced today to someone who was previously my nemesis. But now, they have a goatee where once they were clean shaven. As Star Trek has taught us, alternate universe versions of people have the opposite personally. So, I got talking with what I assumed would be the nice goateed version of the person I had previously avoided. The initial signs were good, this person had moved from marketing to product development, and had switched from using Times New Roman to Calibri (probably done automatically by Word 2007 but I’ll take what I can get). But then I began talking to him and after the word forte was pronounced “forté” and coup de grâce turned into “blow of fat” (coup de gras). I left shortly after the word irregardless was used. Maybe this doppelganger didn’t come from a universe where I’m a track star and my brother is the teetotler.

Edit: Fixed egregious spelling of goatee.

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My productivity is vastly improved when I have an arch-nemesis.  Someone to whom I can dedicate heroic feets of self-less activity merely to prevent them from one upping me.  Upon returning to work, I discovered my old one had moved on to another job and have thus sat around near catatonic for a week.  That was until today a woman when a woman gave me a dirty look for taking her Lean Cuisine out of the microwave after she failed to remove it after 5 minutes.  The game is on Ms. Dirty-Look-Giver-to-Microwave-Dish-Remover-People, the game is on.