Our department was told that we needed to keep our areas more open so I’ve been throwing out impediments to sight lines at an amazing rate. I took this opportunity to further convince the Hispanic housekeeper that I’m insane:
Him: What are you doing?
Me: Playing a game.
Him: What kind of game?
Me: A game where you throw out things.
Him: What’s it called?
Me: Throw out the thing.
Him: How do you play?
Me: You throw out things.
Him: Are you good at it?
Me: Very good.
I received a note of good news during the work day, well above what I thought I would, and I yelled “Action dinosaur with hat!” a favorite phrase of mine. At that moment, the Hispanic fellow from housekeeping was coming through and looked at me as I yelled that line.
Him: ¿Que?
Me: Dinosario de accion con sombrero.
Him: *stares at me* Si, señor. *Resumes collecting garbage*
A coworker was taking apart his Roomba today at work and marveling at its complexity as he removed great tufts of dog hair from it. “It’s not amazing, but it’s mediocre daily, which is better than me vacuuming well once a week” he said to another fellow skeptical of its effectiveness. “Show me how it works” asked the second guy, so the Roomba was placed on the floor and started.
Coworker 2: I see that it navigates around, but how well does it pick up things?
Coworker 1: Let’s see. *scatters hole punch detritus on the floor, starts Roomba*
Coworker 2: It doesn’t really pick it up.
Coworker 1: It works on the assumption that it’ll go over the same area multiple times, it’ll get it eventually.
So we waited a bit and none of the pieces appeared to be picked up. A pen was made around the paper leavings with boxes and the Roomba was placed inside so it could go no where else and still the paper bits stayed. Eventually, the demonstrator said “I guess paper is hard to pick up” and it was left at that.
Later, a member of housekeeping came by with a dustpan and brush and cleaned up the bits as part of his rounds. Quieter, faster, and without much fanfare, a von Neumann machine did what was necessary to provide for itself.
I cleaned out a dusty closet with a floor covered in drop-down ceiling pieces and grabbed a broom from housekeeping. After sweeping I tried returning it but a member of housekeeping was in the storage area and gave me a quizzical look. So, I did what I always do in these cases: I butcher the language of Cervantes.
In Spanish: Yo necesitaba una escoba para poder cortar el piso de las heces de techo.
In English: I needed your broom so I could mow the floor of ceiling feces.
I cleaned out a dusty closet with a floor covered in drop-down ceiling pieces and grabbed a broom from housekeeping. After sweeping I tried returning it but a member of housekeeping was in the storage area and gave me a quizzical look. So, I did what I always do in these cases: I butcher the language of Cervantes.
In Spanish: Yo necesitaba una escoba para poder cortar el piso de las heces de techo.
In English: I needed your broom so I could mow the floor of ceiling feces.
Literal translation from conversation with housekeeping:
Him: Why do you not bring in cake?
Me: I have broken my kitchen.
Him: What part?
Me: The box that heats things.
Him: The microwave?
Me: No, the box that heats things that is not the microwave.
Him: The toaster?
Me: No, the box that heats thing that is not the toaster.
Him: The microwave?
Me: When I fix my heat box I will prepare a cake the size of the Fat Lady.
Him: Good *thumbs up*
I talk with the Hispanic gentlemen from housekeeping periodically and he seems to latch on to various mannerisms and the most recent was me giving him a thumps up as a way of illustrating my emotional state. Normally, I have an obligatory hello in the morning, once around lunch and possibly on the way out and each would solicit some sort of response. Now, he appears to be seeking me out to get a thumbs up. On Monday, I gave him a single thumbs up, and by Thursday he could only be sated with two double thumbs up. I fear by the end of next week, 60% of my day will be spent giving him a thumbs up. I will have to run faster and faster to stay in place.
Every day after lunch I swing by the Finance Secretary’s desk for a piece of candy and recently it’s been the good stuff, like those little Lindor Balls that people only bring out to impress guests. Â Yesterday, the balls were gone and I asked the secretary what happened to the candy dish, to which she responded “someone kept taking them while I was lunch and those chocolates were expensive, I think it was housekeeping.” Â Yes, housekeeping…
Every day after lunch I swing by the Finance Secretary’s desk for a piece of candy and recently it’s been the good stuff, like those little Lindor Balls that people only bring out to impress guests. Â Yesterday, the balls were gone and I asked the secretary what happened to the candy dish, to which she responded “someone kept taking them while I was lunch and those chocolates were expensive, I think it was housekeeping.” Â Yes, housekeeping…