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Gregg and Marcus came over to build decks for Friday Night Magic when I was talking with some people over Mumble, the voice chat utility Team Interrobang uses when they heard one of the female team members talking.

Gregg: Is that a girl?
Me: Yes.  Team Interrobang is slightly above a total sausagefest, possibly at the simply awkward level of female participation.
Gregg: Wow, does she shoot people?
Female Member over Mumble: Guess what, Terry?
Me: What?
Female Member over Mumble: I’m going to the gun range tomorrow.
Gregg: You have the greatest team in the history of the planet.

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I let friends borrow Magic cards for tournaments and received a text asking if I could drop off a few cards to someone who’d forgotten them and to just leave them at his doorstep as he was going to sleep.  I gathered the cards, boxed them, and being a swell fellow purchased  a dozen donuts for him and his car mates with which I’m friends for there pre-dawn departure the next day.  I attached the box of borrowed cards to the box of donuts with packaging tape, affixed a sticky note saying “for Gregg, good luck” to the box of donuts and put the ensemble on the door step.

I texted him the next day asking if the donuts’d gone stale and he replied he’d never received the donuts.  His parents had apparently removed the sticky note from the donut box, placed it on the card box, removed the packaging tape binding the two and put the donuts into dry storage in their pantry.  When asked by Gregg what happened they simply responded “we didn’t know they were for you”.

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Gregg Wilson was over my house.  I can’t quite remember why but it was past midnight and we were hungry.  Gregg is one of the few friends I have that’s “In College” and has the budget, clothing and tastes associated with that.  I wanted to do my guerrilla measurement work but Applebees was priced out of Gregg’s range.  We instead opted on purchasing cold cuts to assemble into sandwiches followed by a date with the sandwich press.

At Wawa, I ran into Rick Spross, Gary Spross’s dad, a man I don’t think I’ve seen for about four years and while he’s an optometrist during the day, he looked like a vagrant in his Eagles sweater and non-descript gray took and he struck up conversation.  I proceeded to utter a phrase set with a fantastically high innuendo density.
Rick Spross: So, what’ve you been up to?
Me: Gregg and I were at home in my room dicking around when we got hungry for a meat sandwich of some sort.  Gregg, the hungry cheap bastard didn’t want to go out with anyone else and said he looked horrible so I picked up some hard salami that he could down one we’d heated things up.
Rick Spross: Oh…

I’d try to make a Modern English joke in there about the sandwich toaster but I don’t think it’s worth the effort.

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After FNM, Gregg Wilson and I wanted to accost Marcus Schneider who works at Five Guys for somehow being a manager there. I went in under the guise of purchasing food, a guise I take on very well and upon seeing him not there I ordered a large french fry and a bacon cheeseburger.

Guy: We’re out of large fry containers so you can’t have one.
Me: What?
Guy: My manager doesn’t know how to order things so we don’t have any jumbo fries. Doesn’t really matter because you don’t need that many fries. I can’t even finish them. It’s just two small fries together.

Who does this guy think he is? Not only is he saying that I don’t know how much potato I want but that he can out-eat me. I left in disgust… after I got my bacon cheeseburger and two small orders of fries.