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The closest Apple-certified repair center was a typewriter repair store in Philadelphia that apparently did nothing but repair typewriters and Apple computers.  I loaded my iMac into my car, drove to the place and found it closed with a sign that said “Closed Thursdays”.  Great.

But there was a hitch, the sign’s font was Calibri.  No self-respecting Apple enthusiast would ever use Microsoft’s flagship ClearType font for a store sign.  This store either had a dark secret or a dark irony to it, neither of which I wanted to deal with.  To the Apple Repair Center near my workplace.

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Part of the reason I like working with the Order of the Arrow so much is that what I do for them is very discrete, I take pictures, run auctions, update web pages, and publish the lodge newsletter: The Bucktail.  This gives me a bit of a soapbox for my views and I have no hesitation in using it.  This year, I waged war with fonts.

From the 2010 drop list:  “The following brothers have failed to pay their 2010 dues and will be dropped at the end of the calendar year.  They have been listed in shameful Comic Sans.”
From the 2011 drop list:  “The following brothers have not yet paid their 2011 dues and must pay to maintain active status in the lodge.  They have been listed in the respectful but unremarkable Century Schoolbook.”

I dropped “shameful” from the final copy but were space available I would have listed fully paid members in Tahoma and those who’ve paid ahead for 2012 in a fine Garamond (ligatures are what separate men from animals) or even the timeless Bodoni.

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I was approached during the Roundtable by a leader who’se never seen quite eye-to-eye with me about Scouting and program and such when he asked me a question:
Leader: Terry?
Me: Yes.
Leader: I had a question about the Klondike Derby Packet
Me:  I didn’t think your unit was participating.
Leader: We’re not, I was wondering what font you used for the top part.
Me: Copperplate Gothic
Leader: Thanks.

Wow, what kudos!  I think I’ve made a real breakthrough with this guy.

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I was approached during the Roundtable by a leader who’se never seen quite eye-to-eye with me about Scouting and program and such when he asked me a question:
Leader: Terry?
Me: Yes.
Leader: I had a question about the Klondike Derby Packet
Me:  I didn’t think your unit was participating.
Leader: We’re not, I was wondering what font you used for the top part.
Me: Copperplate Gothic
Leader: Thanks.

Wow, what kudos!  I think I’ve made a real breakthrough with this guy.

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I was introduced today to someone who was previously my nemesis. But now, they have a goatee where once they were clean shaven. As Star Trek has taught us, alternate universe versions of people have the opposite personally. So, I got talking with what I assumed would be the nice goateed version of the person I had previously avoided. The initial signs were good, this person had moved from marketing to product development, and had switched from using Times New Roman to Calibri (probably done automatically by Word 2007 but I’ll take what I can get). But then I began talking to him and after the word forte was pronounced “forté” and coup de grâce turned into “blow of fat” (coup de gras). I left shortly after the word irregardless was used. Maybe this doppelganger didn’t come from a universe where I’m a track star and my brother is the teetotler.

Edit: Fixed egregious spelling of goatee.

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I felt a bit cocky after yesterday’s form triumph so I figure I’d try to enter the big leagues by using Adobe InDesign from CS3.  I’m not normally intimidated by software but after the first prompt asked “would you like to manually adjust the font kerning defaults for finer display control” I clicked yes and I think somewhere a house exploded.  I tried importing a document I had previously done in publisher and this cartoon expresses what happened.

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I was shuffling through the pictures I took during camp so I could start uploading them to flickr and remembered this little gem:
IMG_0621-2

Yep, a napkin dispense with text in Comic Sans.  There should have been a note below

We did the above sign in comic sans because our research shows people like it as a way for businesses to be “fun”.  We also chose it because it looks sloppy and poorly made like the food you’ll inevitably spill on yourself.  Mouthbreather.

The idea of using comic sans in any professional setting is ridiculous moreso on a napkin dispenser and this rage has led me to a new term: fontracide.  If you find a good example of fontracide I strongly recommend you add it to del.icio.us or flickr.com with that tag.

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After I returned from my colonic incarceration I stopped by the health lodge for a status update regarding camp.  I got talking with Dr. Knopf about health and fonts came up.  I mentioned that Bill had written a letter in Comic Sans, he asked why that was a problem.

Me: This is why comic sans is a problem *shows Doc font*
Doc: Why would someone use that?  It looks like a collection of hemorrhoids.
Me:  Every time someone uses comic sans God kills a puppy.
Doc: It looks like a Nehru jacket, or
Me: A piano key necktie or mullet…
Doc: Yes.  Let’s see what else there is *looks at other fonts* Batang!  Now there’s a font.