Barefoot running seems to be all the rage, so I figured I’d give it a try in my obese turbo-wobble kind of way.  The advantage of a treadmill is not having to deal with glass shards and such so I went off at a steady pace sans shoes.  The first thing one realizes is how much traditional walking beats the shit out of one’s heels. So, I tried walking with my toes first which made me look like a fat drunken ninja or a recently sodomized duck.  It’s tough, but you get the hang of it eventually and I only looked like someone who’d recently stepped off a horse while wearing swim fins.  With some practice, I imagine I could vastly improve my capacity for stealth walking given appropriate foot gear.

All in all, I covered my standard two miles and I can already feel the balls of my feet thickening.  If I keep this up for a month, I think I’ll be able to stop bullets.

I’m visiting a few people in a week or two and am hoping to stay with one of them.  My potential host is unsure his hosting capacity as he’s visiting relatives the week before and may not recover in time.  I find it mind-boggling that a social interaction could be so personally draining that recuperation could take a whole week but then I tried adding context.  My host is capable of doing a pull-up, I can’t.  I wonder if he finds it equally mind-boggling that someone would be physically incapable of pulling his or her mass from the ground.  I checked this logic with a 3rd party:

Him: You’re totally off base.
Me: What do you mean?
Him: Pull-ups can only be performed with the aid of a superhuman stunt double or possible a wire team.
Me: When did you come to this conclusion?
Him: 5th grade gym.

I typically watch an episode of Star Trek while using the treadmill and most of my family has gotten used to the 42 minute block of thunder from upstairs.  Today, after about 55 minutes, my dad checked on me to make sure I was okay, he looked relieved that I wasn’t being sanded by the belt but also confused.  I looked at him as said “two-parter” and the confusion lifted.

I’ve been screwing around with my treadmill and discovered you could set the incline to change automatically at specific times and to test I set the machine to go from a 4 to a 10 degree incline at 5 minutes.  This is what it sounded like:
*THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *WHACK* “FUCK!”
Never place an adjustable incline treadmill immediately beneath a low operating ceiling fan.

I’ve been screwing around with my treadmill and discovered you could set the incline to change automatically at specific times and to test I set the machine to go from a 4 to a 10 degree incline at 5 minutes.  This is what it sounded like:
*THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *WHACK* “FUCK!”
Never place an adjustable incline treadmill immediately beneath a low operating ceiling fan.

I got my treadmill today, and I believe I’ve gotten more than I bargained for.  It weighs 293 lbs and has a track wide enough to test the turning radius of a dirt bike.  During the Herculean effort to put it in my room my brother determined that the primary health effect was in trying to move the damnable thing.  We’ll be seeking a reduction in home owner’s insurance as with it in place my home is less likely to be blown or float away.

I’ve found that the only time I was able to sustain reasonable levels of exercise was the brief period of time between discovering and fixing a broken treadmill and it dying in glorious battle against me (sadly, I won so we both lost) and went ot Sears to see what they in terms of treadmills.  I spoke with middle-aged salesman and non-chalantly asked if they had a treadmill with exceptional sturdiness and he directed me towards this beast.   It looked impressive (and pricy) and I mentioned that it had a much wider belt than most and that I liked that, to which he replied “yeah, it was originally so people could walk their dog on a treadmill”.  Great, I’m going to get a treadmill large enough that an entire family of Mexican illegal immigrants could use it to endurance train for a trek across the Sonoran desert.