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I warned my coworkers that any extra food from my party would be brought into work today.  After five trips from my car, these leftovers made it to our break room.  People seemed happy at the choice offered between cake, cookies, truffles, crackers and cheeses, and chips but the biggest star were the meatballs.  I brought in about four and a half pounds of meatballs and the first meatball sandwich was consumed at around 7:30 AM with the crock pot still cold.  The last meatball was consumed a little bit after 10.  I never considered a meatball sandwich a breakfast food but obviously other more avant garde stomachs had.  I brought this up to boss who had an idea on reflection:

Boss: Meatballs are essentially tiny meatloaves.  Meatloaf is one of the kings of comfort food.  Mondays are stressful and people want release from that and latch to things that most seem like comfort food.

I like that explanation even though I’m pretty sure it’s utter malarkey.

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This morning was again spent installing patches on client computers, and at the last stop of the morning the user told me I could have the candy the firm had provided for Halloween.  I declined politely, but as the install dragged on I started picking at it until all that was left was a Twizzler.  Later that day, I was in my office while a meeting went on nearby.

Coworker #1: What did you think of the candy they gave us?
Client from Earlier: I wouldn’t know. Someone ate all my candy.
Coworker #1: All of it?
Client from Earlier: Except my Twizzler.
Coworker #1: Who took it?
Client From Earlier: I don’t feel comfortable saying.
Coworker #1: What were their initials?
Client From Earlier: Terry Robinson.

And with that a name was dropped from my “I brought in a baked good” mailing list.

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Coworker: You like to bake, don’t you, Terry?
Me: Yes.
Coworker: Have you tried making cake balls?
Me: No. What are they?
Coworker: They’re a treat where you coat a cake and something else in chocolate.
Me: Sounds like a truffle make with cake.
Coworker: They’re easier and more fun.
Me: Well, one of the constituent steps is “bake a cake” right?
Coworker: Yep.
Me: That step one is the only step for baking a cake as opposed to cake balls which I imagine then have other steps.  Sounds harder.
Coworker: But they’re more fun.
Me: How are they more fun?
Coworker: Because they’re cake balls instead of a cake.
Me: *blank stare* I… have a meeting.

?

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My boss’s boss approached me today with a computer issue.  His laptop had been reimaged with Windows XP SP3 and his sound card stopped working.  The in-house tech folks had worked on it for about six hours without success.  He asked me to fix it.  After a few hours I did.

Boss: What can I do to thank you for your help?
Me: Well, this isn’t the first time.
Boss: No, it isn’t.  You’re pretty reliable compared to our in-house people and seem to do it for the whole department.
Me: Yeah, more and more of my week is dedicated to helping other people with computer issues.  But it seems to work out in the department’s favor.
Boss: Very much so.
Me: So hire me to do it full-time.
Boss: No can do.
Me: How about we invent a new temp class where I get paid slightly more?
Boss: Can’t do that either.  How about we meet midway between “you get a new job” and “I give you nothing” with “I buy you lunch tomorrow”.
Me: Deal.

Tomorrow’s meal?  We eat the director of budgeting.

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Of all the life experiences I had culminating in my current job, working at RadioShack still ranks among the most useful.  It granted me the power to fake caring about what someone is saying AND set up a home theater system.  This skill was called upon when my area supervisor threw up his hands, yelled “I give up”, and asked me to select a flatscreen TV to replace the one in the CAD area that we used to play videos on tours.

My boss’s boss was keenly interested in the selection process and came by immediately upon learning the task had been passed to me.

Him: So, you’ll probably get a plasma?
Me: Plasmas generally consume more power and have burn-in issues if not properly maintained, that’s what did our last TV in.
Him: But the picture’s great.
Me: Modern LCD TVs are just as bright and rich.  We’ve figured out how to make good LCD TVs.
Him: But the contrast on plasma screens in remarkable.
Me: Backlit LED will do just as well.  I’ll see what the data says when I look for options.
Him: Ok. *leaves*
Supervisor: The guy that’s paying for us to get this and that can fire us requested a plasma.  I recommend you include that in your selection criteria.
Me: Noted.

First line from email sent at 4 PM that day. “I am pleased to announce I have selected the following plasma television for use by the CAD group”.

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I’ve been working odd hours for the last few weeks on a project that required little contact with other people.  My normal arrival time was somewhere around 4 PM and 2 AM and most of my coworkers haven’t said anything.  Today, on my way out around 11 AM I ran into the person who runs our cafeteria:

Her: Where have you been?  We’ve missed you.
Me: I’ve been working odd hours and my meal needs haven’t really synced with when the cafeteria was open.
Her: That doesn’t mean you can’t stop in and say hi.

The only person who noticed my absence from the normal work day was the head chef.  I’m not quite sure what this means.

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Me: So, do you plan on seeing the New Planet of the Apes movie?
Joe: You mean Return to the Planet of the Apes?
Carl: Isn’t it Rise of the Planet of the Apes?
Me: Which was the one with DJ Marky Mark?
Joe: I think it was Return of the Rise of the Revenge of the Planet of the Apes.
Carl: Wasn’t it Back to the Return of the Rise of the Revenge of the Planet of the Apes Part II?
Me: No, I remember, it was the Return of the Rise of the Revenge of the Aftermath of the Planet of the Apes Part II Reloaded: Ariel’s Big Adventure.
Joe: Yeah, I think that’s the one.

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I’ve run out of reasonably usable space in my office to post pictures so I’ve started putting them on the wall outside my work area.  One of them is probably my new favorite building shot:
Reflections Explained

No one said anything but I received a heck of compliment when someone opened the door to my area and ran into someone who’d be staring at it for a minute.  A picture so good it hurts.

</ego boost>

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I chose brownies as my baked good of the week for my return to active employment and sent out my standard 15 recipient email to say they were in.  Later that day, there was still some brownie remaining when I saw a coworker return to his work station with a Doritos grab bag.

Me: Didn’t like the brownies?
Coworker: They’re great, but I didn’t want something as calorie dense.
Me: I think a home-made brownie will stack up well against that chip bag.  *look at nutrition information* I think this bag of chips has as many calories in it as a 2″ x 2″ piece of brownie.
Coworker: Oh, I didn’t know they were that close.  Hey <other coworker>, did you hear what Terry said?  They’re not that bad for you.
Coworker #2 Whose Mouth was Full of Brownie: That’s a plus.

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The mechanical keyboard I use on iMac has made typing a joy.  While not normally one to require constant feedback, each key press comes with the noise of the letter struck saying “bring it, fatty!”  Work is the other place where I do a lot of typing so the second mechanical keyboard I purchased went there.  When I brought it in, I told my coworkers, “this keyboard is loud.  If you find it annoying, please tell me and I’ll use something else”.  My coworkers would then look at me and go “how loud could it possibly be?” and soon learned.  I couldn’t use the keyboard when people were on conference calls but no one complained, until today:

Boss: Terry, do you have a second?
Me: Sure.
Boss: I’ve been, uh, approached, uh by some other people in your area.
Me: Yes?
Boss: And there’s a problem.  Your keyboard is too loud.
Me: But I told everyone to tell me if they had a problem with it.
Boss: I understand, but everyone knows how much you like your loud clicky keyboard and we didn’t want to hurt your feelings so I was elected to talk to you.
Me: Oh, ok.
Boss:  You can still use it when the office is empty or when it’s just me, I kind of like it.  Makes me feel like I’m a newsroom in the 80s.

So now I’m back to a membrane keyboard with its crappy response time, lack of tactile feedback, and painted-on key labels.  I don’t think my coworkers were annoyed, they were just jelly.