by ·3 Comments

Every year I purchase two pairs of sunglasses from Campmor and lose one every six months like clockwork.  I suppose I don’t buy as much as rent or lease them.  I received my two new pairs to replace the 2nd member of my last pair and tried them out.  I’ve never worn an accessory that makes me look like more of an absolute douche.  But they do an exceptional job blocking out the sun, I mean, I think they may improve my vision.  But I look like a total douche, so douchy Joe’s first response on seeing them was “sweet shades, Bra”.  There’s a plainer pair that’s 10 dollars more costing me about $30 to purge myself of the douchiness incurred by the glasses.  I was thinking of burning them but I think they trap the demon-god that douches with hot girl friends sell their souls to in exchange for hot girlfriends.

Anyone have a bottomless pit or planning on pouring a concrete foundation soon?

by ·9 Comments

A few weeks back, I purchased a painfully bright, used-as-a-clean-up-rag-in-the-Chernobyl-sarcophagus loud dress shirt.  I unleashed it on an unsuspecting public today.  And here it is:
IMG_0630

The vignetting really brings out the hideous in the shirt.  The shirt’s brightness extends into the UV spectrum and can probably blind bees, possibly causing Hive Collapse Syndrome.  The party went well otherwise and the hosts could return the lights to a normal level after I changed into something less gut-wrenching.

by ·0 Comments

In a previous episode, I had a terrible run in with Men’s Warehouse but in that Today’s Man is out business and Men’s Warehouse has launched a Big and Tall line (euphemism for “we fit fat people”) I gave them a try.  The fellow that met me at the door had bleached teeth and unsurprisingly, a really nice suit.  He asked me what I wanted and I gave him the standard description for what I want in a suit, 2 button (otherwise I look like I have boobs, or at least more so), single-breasted, dark blue, cuffed pants, slightly short in the arms.

He asked me my name, I told him:
Lee (salesman): Terry, have you had trouble buying suits before?
Me: Yes… One of your stores in fact.
Lee: I know what you’re problem is.
Me: What’s that?
Lee: You’re not fat, and there’s clothing out there for you.

Clothing for non-fat people.  How amazing!  He picked out some things for me to try on, and I was swimming in them.  He said they were perfect, I told him I normally wear a smaller size (God, I don’t say that much) and he shooed me to the authentic Hispanic seamstress.  In a flurry of hand motion, pins were put into places, fabric was folded, smooth salsa was on the radio and when she was done, Lee stepped in, looked at the seamstress and said in his nasal New York Jewish accent “Marisa, que bueno”.   I agreed.

by ·1 Comment

In a previous episode, I had a terrible run in with Men’s Warehouse but in that Today’s Man is out business and Men’s Warehouse has launched a Big and Tall line (euphemism for “we fit fat people”) I gave them a try.  The fellow that met me at the door had bleached teeth and unsurprisingly, a really nice suit.  He asked me what I wanted and I gave him the standard description for what I want in a suit, 2 button (otherwise I look like I have boobs, or at least more so), single-breasted, dark blue, cuffed pants, slightly short in the arms.

He asked me my name, I told him:
Lee (salesman): Terry, have you had trouble buying suits before?
Me: Yes… One of your stores in fact.
Lee: I know what you’re problem is.
Me: What’s that?
Lee: You’re not fat, and there’s clothing out there for you.

Clothing for non-fat people.  How amazing!  He picked out some things for me to try on, and I was swimming in them.  He said they were perfect, I told him I normally wear a smaller size (God, I don’t say that much) and he shooed me to the authentic Hispanic seamstress.  In a flurry of hand motion, pins were put into places, fabric was folded, smooth salsa was on the radio and when she was done, Lee stepped in, looked at the seamstress and said in his nasal New York Jewish accent “Marisa, que bueno”.   I agreed.

by ·0 Comments

I went to a Christmas Pageant with Dave Senior at the School at Church Farm, and wasn’t terribly interested in going.  So, I did what any reasonable person would do, I wore the most hideous combination of clothing possible.  I shall post a picture shortly.