Me: My car seems to be making a weird noise when it shifts into second. Who should I have look at it?
Dad: Just leave it here, I’ll take a look, take my keys.
Me: Anything I should know about the GMC?
Dad: Nah.
*walk outside to GMC, see dad slam his screwdriver (drink not tool) onto table and run to the car window*
Dad: There’s one thing. When you hit 5 MPH the brake pedal will shake and suddenly shoot to the floor. You’ll think you’re about to die, but you will stop safely if you hold your foot down.
Me: Thanks for the heads up.
Tag: cars
We Like Our Car
As time moves on, new people in Scout seem weirder and weirder. I arrived at Ockanickon shortly after 5 PM to a largely empty parking lot except for the minivan next to me. They had the windows down and were talking about the weekend.
Me: Can I help you?
Driver: We’re waiting to register for the work weekend.
Me: I think registration is open now. I can walk you over if you like.
Driver: Nah, the registration closes at 7, we’ll go near then.
Me: Why not go now and get a good place to sleep and move your gear before the rain comes.
Driver: It’s ok, we like our car.
Bumper Sticker Context
On the way home I saw a Nissan truck with two faded bumper stickers. The first read “The real reason for the 2nd amendment is becoming clear” and the second I couldn’t make out both of which looked at least 10 years old. In addition, there was a magnetic soccer ball on the tailgate.
What does that mean? Is the person racist, paranoid, libertarian, anti-Clinton, a strict constructionist, what? It’s driving me mad. Maybe the mystery would be explained by the 2nd bumper sticker and could provide enough context with something like “send them all home” or “government of the people, by the people and for the people” or even “the right to arm bears”. And the soccer ball? Maybe that’s just there as a distraction to the anti-gun police officer who thinks he’s going to show a gun-nut who’s boss. Gha, make sense, world.
Bumper Sticker Context
On the way home I saw a Nissan truck with two faded bumper stickers. The first read “The real reason for the 2nd amendment is becoming clear” and the second I couldn’t make out both of which looked at least 10 years old. In addition, there was a magnetic soccer ball on the tailgate.
What does that mean? Is the person racist, paranoid, libertarian, anti-Clinton, a strict constructionist, what? It’s driving me mad. Maybe the mystery would be explained by the 2nd bumper sticker and could provide enough context with something like “send them all home” or “government of the people, by the people and for the people” or even “the right to arm bears”. And the soccer ball? Maybe that’s just there as a distraction to the anti-gun police officer who thinks he’s going to show a gun-nut who’s boss. Gha, make sense, world.
Sleeper Cadillac Expert
A coworker is looking into buying a Hummer H3 with the money he made cashing out before the recent stock downturn. I called him an idiot and told him that he’d probably get more enjoyment putting his money in a ditch. As an alternative I recommended he simply get a nice sedan for his family and he said a Hummer and a V6 Caddy get about the same mileage and then a new wind blew. Coworker 2, a man of origin about the Caucasus came descended like the Russian Winter.
Coworker 2: I have had enough of lies! A V6 Cadillac will get 18 city and 25 highway. You say lies with your 20 MPG Hummer.
Coworker 1: But look at it. It rules the road.
Coworker 2: It rules with iron fist. The Cadillac rules with grace like assassin. You have room for family in car and enemy in trunk. V8 Cadillac will drag your Hummer into ditch without receiving mud.
Me: Well, maybe he wants to pick of some hotties with his fat rims.
Coworker 2: Hummer is a hoopdie (yes, he said hoopdie) compared to Cadillac. Learn your car.
It appears both me and coworker 1 were taken to “teh skool”.
Sign of Economic Hardship
While driving to work I saw a car pulled over by a Town and Country Minivan that had been converted to a cop car.
I was going to try to add something witty to this observation, but there’s something perverse and sad and funny and enraging and mystifying about it like a crying clown.
Needy Appliances
I hate needy technology. My microwave beeps every 60 seconds until you take its contents out. I checked to see how long this would go by setting the microwave for a few seconds and then going to bed and checking it in the morning. Still going.
Some WordPress plugins are equally insistent being updated every few days. When an app goes from ver. 1.00.1.00.98 to 1.00.1.00.99 there really shouldn’t be a giant red marquee on the top of the page telling me to get the vital update or my Flickr feed could be viewed by communists. Unless failing to update will cause nothing less than the distruction of Western Civilization, I don’t care until it at least hits 1.00.1.01.
Something more appropriate would be my car’s parking brake light. I’ve driven for hundreds of feet with the parking brake on after someone drove it without telling me they activated/engaged it, turfing grass, destroying stone walkways and abbrating woodland creatures without treating me like an idiot. It lets me look like an idiot, but at least it gives me the option.
I Miss All the Fun Stuff
While I was out, people’s cars were being knifed in the parking the lot. Today, a leader came in asking how this damage was going to be paid for and we talked about deductibles, privity and transfer of liability for publicly trafficked businesses. The leader left much illuminated and more understanding of how property/casualty insurance works such as how someone damaging their car on camp property is different from a kid being injured and so on. I imagine these questions had been asked by a dozen leaders earlier in the week while I was gone and my office chums had to dance awkwardly through the answers.  This is the one time I could have swung in from a vine to help hapless leaders and staffers confused about insurance law. I could have been a hero. Stupid gastroenteritis.