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Coworker: I need to get data out of this system built on top of an Access database, what’s the best way to do it?
Me: Open the Access database and do a dump.
Coworker: We can’t do that.  It’s a regulated system and is locked down beyond what anyone but the creators would be able to undo.

I was skeptical, so I asked her to ask Joe, a seasoned Access warrior and see what he could do if it.

Me:  Were you able to get it?
Joe:  Yes.
Me:  Was it hard?
Joe: Two mouse clicks.

I sometimes don’t know how we’d get our jobs done if our predecessors had known what they were doing.

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There’s a super-secret IT room at work that normally requires a blood sample, ID badge and post-humous Nobel prize to enter and even when the two people that can go in do, they look both ways before entering and slip through the door rather than open it.  I saw a fleeting glimpse in it once and each monitor had a privacy screen and there was a log-in log-out book.

Today, there were contractors working in the room and the normal entry procedures went through, except to simplify getting back in, they jammed a garbage can in the door.  A fucking garbage can.  The whole day consisted of an intricate dance of curious employees trying to peek in the sepulcher of data and workers looking bewildered at why everyone’s staring at the garbage can.  Who needs multi-factor authentication when you have a 1 gallon Rubbermaid cylinder?