I visited Teejay yesterday and my lack of dinner and Val’s interest in ice cream resulted in us at the Jenkintown Applebees.  Our female server had the glasses and face of Napoleon Dynamite and a slow wit with wonderful comments like “I know you like the menu, but other people need it” with that condescending lilt that makes me want to punch babies.

After a 1/2 dozen order mistakes and finding a lake Tinkle in the bathroom I fought back the only way I could think of, by acting like a total idiot.

1. Teejay and I tried to figure out how much shredded lettuce we could stick to our faces using sour cream and honey mustard sauce.   The sour cream held the lettuce well but didn’t stick to the face as much as honey mustard, this may become handy some day.
2. When she asked about our dessert orders I requested the chocolate cake, which they apparently out of, I asked for more time.  When she returned, I asked for the chocolate cake, rinse and repeat.
3. She was a bit slow on drink re-fills, we were there for about 2 hours and I got 1 re-fill where I’d normally get 3 or 4.  I asked for two boxes, one for my quesadillas and one for my drink.  I poured the drink into the box and drove the straw through the opening next to the closing tab and the straw fit in nicely even after it was closed.  I tried to drink as much as possible as she walked by but being an oblivious bitch I got no reaction so I etched “Bitch” into the top of the Styrofoam containers with my thumbnail.

She then billed us for things she never actually served us.  Never again, Jenkintown Applebees.