I met with a cosmetic surgeon today regarding having an abdomenoplasty to remove the excess me that’s resulted from weight loss. The office was very nice and the front desk person pleasant. Everyone kept telling me to “hang tight” to which I wanted to reply “I can’t!” to finish the joke that no one would find funny.

The surgeon was very skilled at making upside down drawings and looked like a young George Takei and he walked me through the steps of how the surgery worked. I also asked him about having the excess skin of my chest removed which proved to be much more involved than I thought. How involved? Well, once the term “nipple re-attachment” was said I knew the game had changed.

I’m still fighting internally over whether or not this is something I want to do. Part of me says “I earned this” and part of me says “this is your albatross, fatty”. Clothing that fits correctly for me in most places still doesn’t look right around my midsection and the hang between my abdominal skin and the rest of me often makes sleeping difficult. The gut skin also moves independently when I run which proves painful but running is kind of a leisure sport at the best of times.

I hope this isn’t the thin edge of the wedge on the way to vanity.