I went to Men’s Warehouse during lunch with the intent of getting new pants. Over the course of lunch, I learned:

• All flat front pants are now skinny pants
• Cuffs are not available on cotton pants
• All slacks there either run $60 or $150 with little in between
• All store associates there have their wastes about three inches below their nipples
• “I’m in a hurry” means “I’m going to disappear for long lengths of time somehow in a store the size of a shoe box”

Note to Self: Find new pants place