Manhattan, like ancient Jericho, is a city with a perimeter that one rises into.  One climbs into midtown regardless of entry method with the possible exception of helicopter.  Some routes into DC do this in contrast with say Baltimore or Chicago or Philadelphia where one often descends into the city square like Dante’s Pilgrim entering Dis.  Not to compare Philadelphia with a literal hell but I do think there’s something to be said for perspective.  The rest of New York City can act like an abattoir as it grinds you down.  I experienced both the first and second type of entrance as I headed towards the wrong 112th street and then had to enter Manhattan from a low-slung eastern bridge.  We circled Whit’s restaurant, he jumped in and we sped towards Target, the suburban outpost, where Wanda would stay for the next two days.

It was good seeing Whit again, and it took us a bit to remember how to talk to one another.  In his eyes, I’ve achieved some sort of success and in my eyes he’s achieved some sort of timelessness.  I an envious of his ability to live in a seeming perpetual now that he fills with his attention in a way my constant state of semi-distraction seems never to do except during argument or intimacy.  Suzie had found a ramen place she wanted to go to that was almost textbook hole-in-the-wall and we all benefited from her investigations.

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Defferent Kind of Restaurant

Ramen is an example of “anything becomes deep on inspection”.  While the dish is notionally “Chinese noodles + broth” the variants are ridiculous.  Wars have been fought over Minca Ramen’s non-canon tea-boiled eggs vs. Hide-Chan’s broth and in this war no one loses.

Here is what I was served:

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Ramen Porn

I got what I can only describe as an obscene amount of it on me.  I slurp in a way that Asian lips, or any civilized person for that matter, don’t seem to and smiled at being able to hide my graceless among the rain drops on my shirt.  The broth was rich, the pork represented the Platonic ideal of tender, and the noodles themselves were devilishly hard to eat.  This bowl showed to me that every culture has its soul food.

Back out in the rain we walked around the new-community-a-block areas of SoHo, past The Big Gay Ice Cream Parlor, a store dedicated the Golden Girls and misrepresentation and a statue of the Predator made entirely of recycled motorcycle parts.  It’s like the city is so dense that ideas buckle under their own weight and the springs of the mind’s machinations bear our own insanity unto us.  We walked, and walked some more and stopped for frozen yogurt.  They had egg nog yogurt, which I sometimes like, and I placed a drop in my bowl.  I had it, was unimpressed, and filled the bowl with other flavors.  Ever damn spoonful after held the taint of that cursed egg nog like the trichloroanisole that causes the cork taint that can destroy the finest wines.  Ugh.

We kept walking and on the way back I got a nice picture of Suzie.

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Suzie Surrounded by City

In white balanced light her hair against her jacket brought watermelon to mind.  Another example of how she’s a harbinger of kaddosh somehow made flesh.

Back at Whit’s we played board games and Whit and I caught up.  Very few nouns, a lot of verbs, and midway through this turned into me railing about how long it had been since happiness was the dominant force of joy in my life and it was nice to have Whit there.  Our good friends make us strong, our great friends allow us to be weak.  Thank you, Whit and Suzie.  I inflated my mattress which took up most of the living room and Suzie slept on the futon.  We were in the city, it was raining, and I was tired.

I’m taking Tuesday – Thursday of this week off for a trip during a holiday rush week and also needed time to finish some personal things so brought in my greatest culinary weapon, meatballs.

I plugged in the crock pot, put in 4 lbs of meatballs, 3 cans of sauce, and set it to high.  Then I realized I had forgotten to get rolls and quickly rushed out without telling anyone.  My boss called:

Boss: Uhm, Terry, where are you?  You don’t appear to be, at work.
Me: Yeah, I had to run and grab something.
Boss: I need your signature for something immediately.
Me: Ok, I’ll return now and get the meatball sandwich rolls later.
Boss: No, take your time.

When I returned, there was a line of people near my office with plates waiting for rolls.  My boss’s boss was there and looked at me while saying “we were getting hungry”.

For the rest of the day, people stopped by to thank me for bringing in meatballs and cheesecake while totally overlooking that I was filling out Christmas cards.  Several of these people were well within their power to fire me and  I couldn’t have been more obvious if I had a blinking sign.  I hope that the protective power of meatballs doesn’t slip into the hands of those that’d abuse it, like mine.

Messages from a Team Interrobang admin:

7 AM – Site appears to be functioning slowly.  Unsure of problem, investigating, can anyone help?
10 AM – Site now appears to be down.  Looking into causes, tech support for hosting contacted.  Could use some guidance.
1 PM – Fixed.

I woke up at 1:30 PM to a perfectly functioning site.

This is why I sleep in on Sundays.

 

Battery Terminal Cleaning – The terminals on my car battery were the rainbow of verdigris and aerugo that comes from copper compounds oxidizing into at least three different states and while beautiful, probably didn’t help the functioning of my car.  I removed the terminals, scrubbed away the corrosion and found that there wasn’t enough terminal left to actually connect to the battery post.  Hazaa.  So I borrowed my dad’s car to get new terminals and go to Michael’s.

Candy Melts – Candy melts are bits of chocolate one melts down to use as coatings for fruits, confections, and other things that should be covered in chocolate.  They’re largely vegetable oil which was maybe passed over by a cocoa bean and the industry seems to be dominated by the lone firm of Wilton’s much like Arm & Hammer is the world’s only producer of baking soda.  Michael’s had candy melt but only in pastel colors.  Assuming color in candy melts are subtractive, I reasoned that adding together pastel green with pastel blue, with pastel red would make a very non-pastel black, I purchased these in equal parts.  Later, I found out they did make black, or eventually did, I lost track of my double boiler and the pot seized leaving me with a darkened cocoa brick.  I opted to just use morsels on the next batch of truffles to coat and avoided the color conundrum.

Frames – Michael’s once stocked SSFs “simple shitty frames” but seems to no longer.  I had a coupon for 50% off all frames in a purchase and simply wanted a piece of acrylic with black plastic around it.  I buy frames to protect and highlight the photo, not subdue it.  All that Michael’s had were terribly garish “FAMILY” and “LOVE” frames that were either almost Baroque in ornamentation or in odd (to me) dimensions.  I did find what I’d call “frames” but these went by the name of “acrylic photo display boxes” which, of course, was not included in my “frames” coupon.  I guess I go back to buying out Joanne’s Fabric’s stock next time they have a sale.

A day of failures, but a productive day in that I got them all out of the way before lunch.

My local Giant supermarket was once a Genuardi, a store I miss for both its fresh produce and mob ties.  On the way back from Doylestown, I stopped at the next closest Genuardi’s to me and ran into the cashier I used to often see at the Feasterville branch.

Cashier: Mr. Robinson, it’s been ages.
Me: Hi, *looks at name tag* Kathy.
Cashier:  You look great.  Hey, Flo, this is a guy that I used to know from Feasterville.
Elderly 2nd Cashier: How did yo know each other?  Did he work there?
Cashier: No, he was a member of the late night shopping club, always came in near close.
Me: Yeah, you got to have the store to yourself.
Cashier: I miss those days.
Elderly 2nd Cashier: Late night shopping club, Kathy you tramp.  Sounds fun, shopping in the dark *smirks*.  Maybe I could join *winks at me*, you know if you wanted to start it up again.

I have on my list of 141 Reasons Why I Don’t Want to Be fat “I’d like to be hit on”.  If this is the form that will take and this is the result of my current size, they will be seeing a lot more of me as I have much weight to put back on.

 

Yesterday was Bucktail printing and today was Bucktail assembly.  Bucktails had to be labeled in the past, but with the power of mailmerge in MS Publisher that is no longer required.  I’ve done this for three years and each year I have to re-invent a way to do it.  I hope I’m at least getting faster at it each time.   I got home and slept for a few hours but was still very tired from the miles of walking I had done as shown by my Fitbit activity log:

Each spike is me running a lap around the building and that morning is about five to six miles of walking.  Next time, I think I’ll just set up a baby monitor and see if I can hear the silence of a printer having jammed.

The assembly at the lodge meeting went well and everyone helped, including people who traditionally just watch.  I miss the simple satisfaction of cases where everyone has a task and every task has someone working on it.  Maybe it’s time to start running Scout events again.

The Bucktail is my combination trophy piece/albatross in the Order of the Arrow.  The printing of this annual newsletter is preceded by months of requesting content and receiving none followed by a few days of frantic assembly and finally printing.  I received no Chief’s report, not committee reports save one, and two chapter reports, making this year’s edition a shadow of the publication that once rivaled the New Yorker, in my youth, in my head.   These scant articles fit nicely onto two pages and became a wrapper for the stack of forms and notices we were sending our members which totaled 14 page faces.  These 14 page faces were to be sent to 800 people plus 50 spare copies netting 12000 page faces to be printed.  Our office printers go about 20 ppm for a total print time of 600 minutes minus any hiccups.  I had no intention of staying 10 hours late at work so I started producing copies on all six large printers on the second floor of my workplace.   I quickly lost three of these printers to various outstanding maintenance issues I didn’t have the tools to solve then leaving me with three printers each in different wings of my building.

As midnight rolled around and my eyes got heavy, I set myself a 20 minute alarm whereby I’d take a nap, then check on the printers, fix any issues, and check to see if anyone had popped back into work who might notice.  I finished around 8 AM after losing a few hours to two fuser replacements and stubbled home with roughly .72 good-sized trees worth of paper.  And some people have had the audacity to say I’ve quit Scouting.

Guessing at Christmas presents is somewhat alien to the Robinson’s.  We provide lists from which one chooses an item for another party.  Just guessing seems odd and barbaric akin to going to a restaurant and just guessing what the chef could prepare based on knowing it was a Greek restaurant.  I have found this is not how most people work and after asking a friend she replied “sunshine and rainbows”.  So, I purchased her a flash light and a prism.  While I was as it, I got myself a prism too having never messed with one.

Today the prism came and I took it out of the box, set it on the table and learned I have no idea how a prism works on any practical level.  I held it up to various lights with little effect and then held it up to various other focusing devices also with no effect.  I drew a little diagram of the prism a la dark side of the moon and realized I needed a beam of light.  I cobbled together a baffle from cardboard pieces and made a ghetto rainbow in our heater closet using the door and the lights from the rec room as my beam generator.  I have mastered optics circa 1600.

On a more victorious note, someone I sent cracker jacks to got them and responded with this:

Yesterday’s victory was quickly followed by a return to earth when I tried to vacuum seal two things, both of which failed:

1) Potato chips – Vacuum sealing is not an effective way to re-use a potato chip bag.  Now if your goal is to create chip dust, you win.  Or, using vacuum rigidity, you can turn a potato chip bag into an very light hammer:

2) I made and vacuum-sealed a toffee peanut butter cracker jack which did not seal as well.  The toffee and peanut butter chip bits undercut the integrity of the cracker jack and the mixture simply crumbled under vacuum force.  I gave this failure to a Scout group who very much enjoyed it:

Me: How did you like the toffee cracker jacks?
Scout Leader: The kids devoured it.
Me: It came out like gravel.
Scout Leader: But the tastiest gravel the kids ever had.

Shipping out cookies in weights of greater than 13 oz is a bit more expensive than one would wish.  Priority mail becomes the best shipping option and generally this will cost between $7.00 and $10.00 for any sort of goodly sized box.  But if one can successfully pack cookies in an envelope which are shipped at a flat rate of $4.95, things suddenly become much more economical.  There is a phenomenon whereby vacuum packed materials become much more firm and resistant to breakage, especially if granular, and this phenomenon was exploited to great success by roboticists earlier this year to create a universal gripper hand:

So, why not try this with cookies?  I bought a vacuum sealer and got to work making cookies.  I vacuum sealed a dozen cookies and pit it against a control group of a dozen cookies in a Zip-Lock freezer bag.  The vacuum cookies won hands down in the drop test where I dropped the bags from a height of about six feet showing no breakage or deformation.  The vacuum sealed cookies also won in the crush test where I put them under a stack of books.  The one case where the Zip-Lock cookies won was in what I call “initial deformation”, the force of the atmosphere is enough to bend a cookie easily if there’s a hint of gooeyness left in the cookie.  As I want my cookies to still be soft, the work around I came up with was freezing the cookies first.  When I failed to do this, and left the cookies in a windowsill, the vacuum package exhibited a behavior I now call “monocookie”.

I’m happy with the increased resiliency of cookies when vacuum-packed and envelope-mailed but I doubt I’ll ever use this process for things that are even a hint of sticky.  If you get molasses cookies from me in a vacuum pack I probably hate you.