I brought in oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and despite it being around 8:30 AM I saw about 1/2 were gone.  I poked around to see who was in and asked a coworker how many cookies he’d had to which he responded “six”.  “Really?” I asked, “I guess you really like them, then” I chuckled passive-aggressively. “No” he responded “I was just eating all the burnt ones so no one else would have to”.  Good idea, I should volunteer to eat all his steaks that I deem to have insufficient marbling and deem myself a public servant.