My company makes taint-wipes!  Sure they’re called perineum cleansing towels but c’mon that’s a taint-wipe where I come from.  Sadly, there’s no cool name or slogan.  I wish to fix this:
Taintlettes: Because shitting while doing a handstand sounded good at the time.
Neum-naps: Because you’re not sure where it came from.
Taint-towels: Because your spatch is too cool for wet wipes.